I am the Sun,
Shining my bright warm UV light rays
That act as my kindness,
Giving warmth to all living things.
I am the light that guides people
Throughout the day
There will be random times when I will still shine,
But it will also be raining.
I am the energy source people count on
for various reasons
When your around me, sometimes
I feel a bit hot headed,
I'll give off sun burns.
I'll help all living things grow
Also, there will be times when my
light will be blocked off by rain clouds,
The land will become wet and cold,
But i will always shine again to be
The light people count on for warmth.
I'm so confused, your poem is so unorganized. "Shining my bright warm UV light rays" sounds scary and over use of words. And then you say it's your kindness. IT NEEDS TO BE MORE ORGANIZED WITH A BETTER EXPLAINATION!!! mahalo.
ReplyDeleteThis was very nice but try to focus on why the sun truly reprsents you and your personality. Re-read you poem and try to put it in an order so that it flows better.
ReplyDelete